Mid-life Crisis? Or Mid-life CELEBRATION???

If you know me, you know I love my music. I like many varied genres of music, but I definitely have my favorite bands. I get crushes on bands like teenagers get crushes on their teachers. (What? Oh, not me… But some people do…) 🙂 When it lasts longer than a month, I know it’s love. I LOVE Placebo. I am well past the point of infatuation. The great thing about love is that you never really know all there is to know about the one you are in love with. Discovering new things about your beloved keeps the relaysh fresh. The lead singer’s voice is amazing, and it literally brought a tear to my eye the first time I heard it. And I heard, really listened to, this song for the first time today. HERE is a video of them performing it live (because I think studio videos are soooo freakin’ contrived), but I’ve also included the lyrics because I was stopped dead in my tracks when I first heard the words, “A heart that hurts is a heart that works.” Wow… All I can say is Wow…

Lyrics, courtesy of SongMeanings.com:

Bright Lights

Cast your mind back to the days
When I pretend I was OK
I had so very much to say
About my crazy living
Now that I’ve stared into the void
So many people I’ve annoyed
I have to find a middle way
A better way of giving

So I haven’t given up
But all my choices, my good luck
Appear to go and get me stuck
In an open prison
Now I am trying to break free
In a state of empathy
Find the true and inner me
Eradicate this schism

No-one can take it away from me
And no-one can tear it apart
Because a heart that hurts
Is a heart that works
A heart that hurts
Is a heart that works

A heart that hurts
Is a heart that works
No-one can take it away from me
No-one can tear it apart
Maybe’s an elaborate fantasy
But it’s the perfect place to start

Because a heart that hurts
Is a heart that works
A heart that hurts
Is a heart that… works

****************************************************************************************

I really relate to this song. Maybe JC called it when she accused me of having a mid-life crisis. I disagreed with her at the time about it being a “crisis” because I didn’t care for the connotation. But now that I’m (possibly) on the other side of it, I can see that crisis was a suitable term. Last fall, I found my self in a “state of empathy” trying to “find the inner me”. And I realized there was a “schism” between who I was, deep down, and who I portrayed myself to be to others around me. I had been holding back my likes/dislikes for fear of offending or off-putting my “friends”. My “Status Quo” friends knows me as one persona. Did I trust them enough to be privy to the real me? Cuz the real Me ain’t always delightful. Or pleasant. Or curse-free. But I think, no matter how hard I tried to keep “Me” under wraps, “Me” was going to be free come hell or high water.

I have noticed that not many of my former “Status Quo” friends seek me out anymore. While that makes me sad and disappointed, I am much happier in my own skin. My marriage is better than ever. My relationship with my kids is more loving than complacent. I feel I have dodged a bullet in terms of closing in on 40 and still being happy being Me. I don’t know that a new man or a new face or a new set of boobs would do me as much good as this journey of self-discovery that I have been on for the past several months has done.

While I don’t recommend a solo trip to Paris for everyone who has some soul-searching to do, I would encourage anyone to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to find out who Me is, and live your life in that way. God made you YOU for a reason. Don’t apologize, girlfriend. Work it! (Within the bounds of good reason and your relationship with Jesus, of course!) The person I am now – instead of who I thought I was based on whomever I was with – is a much better wife and mother. And friend. And Christian. Authentic living is the only way to go, Baby!!!

It’s not always easy, but a heart that hurts (or is elated!) is a heart that works. I’ll take the good with the bad. The ups with the downs. The joy with the heartbreak. At least I know I’m alive. And I’m in it. An active participant in life instead of an innocent bystander. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, “Go hard, or go home!!”

Advertisements

What do you think? I'd love to hear from you!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s